those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
