She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
