And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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