I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
