there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
