Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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