Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
