Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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