When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
