every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize