my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
