We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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