remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
