We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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