I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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