Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
