An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
