I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
