i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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