ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
