would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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