seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
