Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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