there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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