Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
