Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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