i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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