no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
