Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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