how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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