ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
