Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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