I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
