my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
