Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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