Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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