so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
