I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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