i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
