I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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