if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drunk is not a location!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
