last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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