did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize