dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
