Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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