matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
