I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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