dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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