i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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