just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
