omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
