dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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