This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize