No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just forgot I was standing up.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
