i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
