She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the day after is always just damage control
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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