I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
