so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
