I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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