How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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