Non-Jews are for practice
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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