Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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