I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
