if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
