Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The Olympian is in my bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
