So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
