You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
