Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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