you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
