I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
