So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
