i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
