Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
