now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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