Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
