Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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