I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
