dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
